My self.

Because I feel like every post should have a picture...  Jersey Shore. Last summer.

 

Recently I read a blog post written by a photographer about her “artistic journey” I guess you could call it. It inspired me to be completely honest with myself. I’m hesitant to call myself an “artist”, and especially a “photographer”.

I’m hesitant because I don’t feel good enough. I compare myself much too often to everybody else. Lately, everybody and their mother has photography facebook page. They get a camera, take pictures, edit it to look vintage or over expose it, and now they’re photographers. Now don’t take me wrong, everybody has a beginning! If you like taking photos, then go for it! Read books on the subject, take classes, and experiment. Grow. But don’t under-value the people who have been doing this for years, make their living from it, paid money to learn more about it, and have real natural talent that they have put time and effort into cultivating. (Little side note: to all those people who need picture taking. Please hire someone who knows what they’re doing! If you ask so and so, who has cool pictures on facebook, to photograph your wedding, you’ll regret it!!! Anyways.) Because of this, I don’t call myself a photographer, I don’t feel educated enough or feel like I have had enough experience. I consider myself a student of photography. I’m figuring things out, finding my identity as an artist, and looking forward to learning about it and improving for the rest of my life.

I’m hesitant to call myself an artist for some of the reasons above. It seems like it’s the “cool” thing to do. Even starting this blog, I feel/felt a little bit of a poser.  But then I told myself to just do it, it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time! I love writing. I’ve always been one of those that have kept a journal. It keeps things in perspective for me. To be able to step back and put things down on paper (or the internet, as the case may be) helps me to see things differently. I love keeping memories. Blogging is another way to do that. Writing things down and putting up my photos. Especially this part of my life, planning a wedding, planning our life together, the first years of marriage; those are memories I’ll always love to think back on. I love sharing my photos. I want to share what I’m excited about, my view on things, the things I find beauty in, and to be a photo journalist of life.

I need to stop caring about what other people think. I need to stop weighing myself against others. I need to do what I think is beautiful, interesting, classic, or cool (for lack of a better word). I see other blogs, other facebook pages, or other photos, etc etc; and see all the good feedback that person is getting and cant help but to ask myself “why are they receiving support and not me? What am I doing wrong?”. But that’s self pity. So I tell myself it doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t make me feel not good enough.  As long as I like/love what I produced then that should be enough.

I’m an artist.

There I said it.

I love to create. Photography. Drawing. Writing. Fashion.

That’s me.

I didn’t develop this recently, or in the past couple years. I’ve always been this way. Ever since I can remember.

So feeling like a poser is silly. There are people who are better at things then I am. But someday I’m gonna be better than I am now. I don’t think I’m ever going to be completely satisfied with what I do. I always find something I wish I could change or do differently. I’m in the “gap”. I have good enough taste that makes it difficult for me to be totally satisfied with what I do, because I know it can be better. But I’m not quite to the point where IT IS as good as it can be. There’s a gap. I’m working on closing it. By golly I will!!! Somehow….still trying to figure out how exactly. Giving myself milestones to reach until I can say I’m an “artist” is unrealistic, there is always room for improvement.

I am an artist, and a student of photography. 

Well that was a little personal. SO out of my comfort zone. But hey, thats kind of the point. Getting myself out of my comfort zone.